An Analysis of Awkwardness

One expert speaks out.

A few years ago, I wrote a book called Socially Awkward.

The joke about this is that when I told my parents I’d signed a contract for a book with this title, my mother asked, “Aren’t you too young to write a memoir?”

Which just goes to show I’m a community-recognized expert on the topic.

The book wasn’t a memoir, but my mom’s reaction isn’t completely unwarranted. Regular readers of this space are already well aware that I’ve encountered my fair share of awkward moments.

Sometimes I’ve caused them.

As both a student and agent of awkwardness, I’ve discovered that only by knowing the type of awkwardness you are encountering can you effectively deal with it.

Type 1: Awkwardness Exhibited

Awkwardness Exhibited is what happens when you do something awkward and everyone sees.

Maybe you break the tip jar at the local coffee shop or sit in a plate of beans at a party or walk face-first into a closet full of shelves or talk about potatoes a bit too much.

You know. Just as some random examples of things that could happen to anybody.

The point is, sometimes you’re awkward in public and everybody notices. This is Awkwardness Exhibited.

Type 2: Awkwardness Experienced

Awkwardness Experienced occurs when whatever is happening may seem perfectly normal to onlookers; however, you feel awkward inside for reasons perhaps known only to you.

Back when I was in my early twenties and knee-deep in the relational chaos of late adolescence, I found myself embroiled in this nightmare scenario: I came around the corner of a building to find in the parking lot my ex-boyfriend chatting with a guy I had just turned down. Standing with them, nodding and laughing, was the guy I was currently in the talking phase with. The three chatted companionably with each other, none knowing the others’ connection back to me.

I wanted to Homer Simpson into a nearby hedge, but my current crush had already spotted me and called me over.

Who knows what my face was doing in that moment. Certainly, it couldn’t have been anything normal.

I pretended everything was fine, but it was not, my friends.

It was not.

A classic case of Awkwardness Experienced.

Type 3: Awkwardness Exported

Awkwardness Exported happens when, amid an ostensibly normal social interaction, you feel fine; but you discover later that you’ve inadvertently made someone else feel awkward.

Recently, I was telling my niece Autumn about a Moment I’d had with a man. Had he been flirting with me, or had it been my imagination? Had I mistaken a spark of intellectual kinship for something else? Was I reading too far into things?

In search of an outside opinion, I detailed the whole interaction to Autumn.

She gave me a pained look. “My stomach hurts for you.”

This is Awkwardness Exported.

Combined Type

Although I’ve laid these distinctions out with great confidence, I’ll be the first to admit that, unfortunately, things aren’t always as cut and dried as we would like them to be.

There are certainly occasions that blur the lines. When you’re both experiencing and exporting awkwardness, all while trying—likely unsuccessfully—not to exhibit it. When you’re so over your head that you have no idea which type of awkwardness you’re flailing through.

Just know, you’re not alone.

We’ve all been there.

Some of us are just better at acknowledging it than others.

Or, at least, less able to hide it.

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Check out Socially Awkward: Pressing Through Discomfort to Engage Tough Topics

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