My Top 5 Non-Silly and Totally Reasonable Personal Fears
Good thing none of them are embarrassing.
Deep down, we’re all afraid of the same basic things: death, taxes, and that the going-to-school-with-no-pants-on dream turns out not to be a dream.
I’m definitely afraid of those things.
But I’m also afraid of these.
Fear 5: Falling and landing directly on my front teeth.
I’m a year-round outdoor runner.
While injuries from falls are always a danger, my main running-related fear is that I will trip, slam forward, and land directly on my two front teeth, causing them to snap away at the gums and leaving me with nothing but two jagged nubbins.
Don’t look at me like that.
It could happen.
And the longer I run, the higher the probability.
Fear 4: Being crushed under a collapsing stage.
I currently sing in a robust-sized choir; and twice a year, we perform with a stage full of instrumentalists.
When I should be concentrating on warmups, I’m instead doing compulsive mental math on how much this many people plus this many chairs plus this many folders and this much sheet music and these many instruments—some of which are quite substantial—must weigh.
When the stage was first built, did they envision it would host such musical extravaganzas? Is it really rated for such a load?
The candles probably don’t weigh much, but they’re still a problem because once the stage collapses, they’re what will set everything on fire.
I don’t know why I think like this.
But now you’ll be thinking it, too.
Fear 3: Eating spiders in my sleep.
This is not an unreasonable fear.
For one thing, one time I woke up with half a spider crushed against my neck and the other half crusted under my fingernails.
For another, they say everyone eats seven spiders in their sleep during their lifetime. So apparently it’s inevitable.
My fear is that for me, all seven will wind up in my mouth at the same time, and I’ll have to eat them all at once.
Which doesn’t seem fair, but does seem like something that would happen to me.
Fear 2: Somehow accidentally plagiarizing.
Plagiarism is a huge violation—one that I seek to avoid at all costs. Yet I fight a near-constant fear that I may still somehow accidentally plagiarize.
I don’t know how this would happen, but I do know how it could look like it had happened.
People have similar ideas all the time. What if another woman also decides to write about her top five non-silly and perfectly reasonable personal fears, and hers just happen to align with mine (and why wouldn’t they, given that they are so reasonable?), and then we post our lists on the same day, and everyone thinks one of us copied the other—like back in 2006 when The Illusionist and The Prestige released around the same time—and I get accused of plagiarism even though I didn’t do anything wrong?
What happens then??
I guess the only way to find out is to hit post and see.
Fear 1: Being mauled by a startled black bear.
Again, this is not unreasonable.
There are not only black bears in my area—they are routinely on my property.
From time to time, my neighbor will text me things like “Your trash can is knocked over” and “The bears just ate some of my Christmas decorations!” and “They think they can do whatever they want!”
Worse, I’ve already had an accidental close encounter with an adolescent bear, and the only reason he didn’t maul me was that he was too busy eating garbage to notice me until I’d already started clapping my hands and hollering gibberish, skittering back up onto my porch with a quickness.
Even then, he was so unbothered by my presence that he just hauled himself up on his hinders and watched me skedaddle up to the porch as if I were the morning’s entertainment.
Which, apparently, I was—both for him and for the neighbors.
But still.
This could have gone another way, and my top fear is that next time, it will.
Fear 5: yes, that is why I don't mountain bike
Fear 4: yes, only not the stage, the narthex
You lost me on 3, until you got to the part about all of them at once and now I am afraid also.
Fear 2: a person who reads a lot a lot might forget about something they have read, until after working a few (several) hours on an exciting new piece they think, hey this sounds kind of familiar, or so I have heard.
Fear 1: yes only mountain lions AND what a cute and terrifying photo AND "skittering back up onto my porch with a quickness" belongs on a quote of the week board which I will begin tomorrow. Cheers!
Guess you're gonna have to quit running. Unless bears show up. ;-)